The Art Of Burlesque

In this society a females body is so important. Since I was young I would be possessed buy the thought of happiness came in a size 00. I was a very petite little girl growing up I was praised for it. My family though I was so lucky for having such a small frame. It made me feel like the only thing going for me was my pant size. As I got older my addiction to stay thin became overly obsessive. I would constantly google pro-anorexia sites to look up tips to get thin. I would lie to my parents and say I ate when I only drank some green tea and chewed on some ice cubes. I wanted to stop but the compliments kept coming my way. "Oh My God your so skinny your so lucky". No one would compliments me on my smarts or my beauty just my  shape. But soon the little demon called puberty came my way. I began to to have a fuller body with curves. I hated it. I tried and tried to be the size 00 little girl i was but it was no turning back. I became depressed about it. My dreams of becoming this rail thin model like woman was over. I was now..CURVY!

After some years went buy I started getting interested in the art of seduction with burlesque dancing. I want to embrace the shape I have and go out there and turn it into art. I think a woman's nude body is a beautiful piece of art which i want to show off. I may not have the pale skin but I want to be a burlesque dancer.I don't really  know were it all started. It could be for my love of theatre or my love of the old school Hollywood glamour. What ever the reason is I look up to these woman. You may think they are just nymphs in lingerie rubbing there bodies and calling it "ART". Burlesque is so much more than that is a fun empowering dance routine that shows the many different faces of beauty. I love the fact that a women can make a men go crazy just by a simply dance routine.The term 'burlesque'has a French Italian and Spanish root meaning Joke.It used to be skits females playing a male roles. When Burlesque came to American in the 20th century it became a striptease. I'm not here to give a history lesson but I'm so can't wait to be onstage in my laced corset and garter belt.

Old Daries Entries

                Losing Faith            

9-15-10

Who Are You?

The Spirit In The Sky, The Protector, The Savior, The Truth, The Lord?

I once Knew You As Him..

The One Who Filled Me With Warmth And Happiness

Now I'm Bitter When I Hear Your Name

Who Ever Says Your Name Is Like Spitting Venom In My Face

Where Are You?

Not Here That's For Sure.
Death, Plague, Rape, Murder, Hunger.

I Don't See The Man With Beautiful Locks of Hair And Baby Blue Eyes.

So I'll Ask You Again.

Who Are You?

Imaginary Love

8-1-10

I woke up sweating from my head, one of those hot summer nights.

A name written on my lips.

 his voice a song in my head singing a sweet symphony over and over.

I turn to face him but hes not there he never was.

I look around and I find an empty canvas blank but something there .

I stare a little bit longer.

As time goes on I start to see this canvas transforming before me.

He right in front of me.
 trying to grasp him but instead I wake up and I'm back looking for him.

                

Writter's Block

A few scribbles on the paper but nothing I put down is as great as the sweet words you whisper in my ear.

Things I Like, Things I Don't Like ,(foutaises)

1. I like the smell of fresh plastic.
2. I dislike sharing milk.
3. I like the sound of eggs cracking.
4. I dislike the taste of cranberries.
5. I like watching a sign language conversation.
6. I dislike the sight of a child being discipline.
7. I like the feeling of the cold wind on my bare cheeks.
8. I dislike receiving a kiss near my ear.
9. I like the slightest touch on the top of my head.
10. I dislike the word panties.
11. I like the smell of rust
12. I dislike a cat's mating call.
13. I like the sight of tears hitting paper.
14. I dislike children biting Styrofoam cups.
15. I like the crust in my eyes in the morning.
16. I dislike the feeling of grass on my leg.
17. I like the odor of old ladies in a department store.
18. I dislike men who whistle at women
19. I like the feeling of hot wax on my skin
20.  I dislike the act of spitting 

Simply Perfect

Stocking/ Leggings/Tights

No matter what you call them you know how they can make an outfit pop. Waking up from a crazy all nighter can make me feel like crap, But just buy throwing on some socking and a long shirt can take you from crap to hot shit ( 0nly kidding). But seriously they can be great for a lazy day or for any event at that.

KneeHigh Socks

L a y e r i t u p. K n e e h i gh socks can give you the cute little school girl appeal. And with the seasons changing even in my  the sunshine state. Even though I can wear shorts in december I still like to layer up. Knee high socks keep me cozy through these harsh 60 degree weather. Knee high socks can also can give your heels a cuddly buddy. Adding thick knee high sock with heels can creat a sexy yet comfortable.

Excitement!!!

It all started in 2008, with Youth Novels her sweet voice and simple lyrics gave my ears serenity.

Her Music was like my virus effecting every inch of me. Her lyrics were like my life scriptures, getting me through the day. the soundtrack to my life if you may say. But know Lykke Li has grace the world with another album coming soon. This Album has more stronger lyrics. She said she wanted to show the world " pussy power" that female can have a strong present on stage ; throwing things and being topless.

I cant' wait for her new album to come out! Its going to be amazing!! I hope at one of her shows she throw jack Daniels at me again :]

The classics and Throw Backs

The Cosby Sweater

Bill  made America care about Jello Pudding fun again and these geometric pattern sweaters are making their way back into to American closets. Great things about these fuzzy bad boys is there easy to find for under $10. I can't put these sweaters on with out laughing there cute but i believe i will laugh when i see picture of myself looking like a geometry text book.

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Oxford Flats

I swear..I swear..I swear I loved these shoes long before they were one everyone manicured toes. If you didn't know this from before is i love vintage fashion from 1920's-1970's (I'm not super crazy over the 80's).

These shoes are so cute , the fact that there flat makes me love them even more. I'm not a fan of sneakers, normal flats make my feet smell, and heels doesn't always work with my daily routine. These shoes are comfortable and they can go with many occasions if your going to the park or a job interview.

Bow Tie

I love men in white collared shirts, Black trench coats, and bow ties but i must say us girls can pull this trend off too. I like to wear bow ties with blouses and skirts making me feel like a classic school girl. Plaid bow ties are great with a layered look. Boys a great way to make you bow tie look even better is play around with the 1930's look for a fun way to play it formal. here is a link to show you how to take that old neck tie into a bow tie but you may want to mute it . htt://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruG-jgVLv20&playnext=1&list=PLF8E4644C63399022&index=3 

Black And White Stripes Shirt

I'm not a little European girl from France but the black and white stripes makes me feel like it. My friend  Is obsessed with stripes. He has a million stripe shirts and he still buys more like all the time. these are a stable in a wardrobe your bread and butter if you may. it a simply accent shirt. Its the kind of shirt you never need to toss out since its always fashionable to wear .

Fringe Bag

Flowers, Head bands, Natural waves and fringe bags the hippies of the  60's  had it all figured out. Either in suede or leather these are a great funky bag to have. I'm a 2nd generation hippie so of course i get happy when I see more and more of these on the streets. I didn't think i would even start seeing fringe vest and purses from forever 21. I like how fashion is an ever repeating cycles. i can always reuse and recycle

Scarfs

Wether your just having a bad hair day, wanting no one to recognize you, or just wanting to look like and old hollywood movie star, scarfs are a great item to have. scarves can be worn in so many ways: the neck or the  head ( like a hood or a head band). Im the lazy type who doesnt want to start the long process of doing my hair so I just put on a cute scarf. I also like getting really long scarf and make a faux turban. of course in this season you need scarves to keep warm or just to be cute of course. i love the cute selection that melrose vintage in whitter california.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

The Turban:

A Turban is a great head dress. It not just for traditional uses in the middle east. It can dress up any out fit. The seasons are changing so why not warm up your fall/ winter wardrobe with an elegant turban forget the old beanies and berets. A turban is the old but new thing to wear. If the full turban isn't for you, just try the turban head band like these>>>

How to make a 1950 turban:

http://www.vintagesewing.info/1950s/52-hmh/hmh-125.html

  The Velvet

It maybe the fuzzy feeling the fabric has against your skin but i love this fabric. I remember when I had a pair of navy blue Pj's made out of velvet. I would wear these bad boys all over the house my mother would call them my bear skins. Whatever your velvet memories are about velvet fabric I just want to tell you there back. I was shopping and i began to realize velvet is trying to make a comeback. Its not just for  the mid-evil times anymore . I seen this fabric as cute naval length shirts and as one sleeve dresses.

                                                        

 Horseback Riding Pants

I live very far from the Kentucky Derby but I love the look a nice pair of horse riding pants give. I get tired of seeing the plain old jeans or leggings but these pants give a nice polish appeal. It  has a clean sleek look to them even with a basic tee. I hate that its so hard to find these pants as easy as it is to find skinny jeans for $8 bucks. I have only seen pairs in American Apparel and believe me I know there pricey. The only shopping I do at this store is window shopping. These pants are on my Christmas list, but if you have the cash for them there located at American Apparel for $72.00.

Parachute / Jumper Pants

Ask your mom and dad to borrow there old hammer pants because there back. Maybe not in full force but you can spot them sometimes on the streets. These pants are as comfy as pj's but as fashionable as black skinny jeans. I love I love them. At first I tired thrift store hunting for these pants and I had no luck except at American Apparel for like $80. But recently I found some at Forever 21 for $24.00 so there affordable. I been seeing these pants on alto of lookbooks.  I can't wait for my paycheck I'm gonna get these babies.

Aviator Jacket

These Jackets make me feel so fly like a G6. This is a true classic I believe this jacket is the jacket you will want to wear from years to come, unlike a lot of trends in fashion. This jacket can dress up your simple jeans and T-shirt look. It's so great since it has the bad ass  leather look but in the inside it has the soft feeling like your wearing lamb chop or something ( but faux is the way too go).

High waisted shorts

I love shorts but I hate how i feel so skimpy in them. Since I have a curvy bottom half my shorts  give the boys to much of a free show. With high waisted pants it complements my curves and makes me look more sexy then skimpy.I love wearing these shorts even in November I just wear them with  thick wool stockings, knee high socks, or nice black stocking with patterns.

Over sized Sweater 

Fuck Snuggies. When your in a lazy mood but you gotta go out and about an oversize sweater is your true friend. It can look so simple and comfy but with a pair of stocking or leggings with boots it can look like a cute outfit for quick errands or just for a run on the town. don't spin tons on these just go to your local thrift store or goodwill.

 

Rounded sunglasses

No need of a description

Chapter 5: This Loneliness

Sometimes I feel lost. Like I don't know who the hell I am or what will become of me. I'm Secretly afraid of everything and everyone. I am afraid of waking up ten years from now and wondering were it all went. I'm afraid that each step I take is the wrong one, all the people I love will soon be the ones I hate. Staring upon the unknown but at the same time familiar stars gives me  no comfort. Thinking back to the past puts a smile on my face but drives me closer to insanity. "Its the change" they say, But I have one question When is it coming? I been in this so called transition stage, but when will I take flight? When will it be the next chapter in my life? I'm so young but already feel like I cant go on much longer. No one to hold my hand no one to walk me through it. Solitude only if you can kept me company. I miss the company of this someone ,the joy it brought me, the feeling of trust, Security, and serenity. For now I guess my only friend is this loneliness.

 

BE.....

Be the incubus of the night crawling your way into my dreams.

Be the ashes of  bliss the absent of light.

Be the wrath in my heart

Be the sorrowfulness in my voice.

Become my vile words

Become my troublesome psyche, just a twisted thought.

Become my bad, my ugly, my everything if you please.

One Year Ago

                                                                                             

              

It was one year ago..

one year ago since the winter breezes brought me warmth.

one year ago since the crinkle on my nose was a sign of beauty.

one year ago since your voice was my serenity.

one year ago since I had someone as sweet as you.

one hell of a year..

The Stage

I want the mic ,the beat, the harmony, the melody.

I want to be in a band.

Chapter 4: The Mirror

A Rectangular shaped demon hangs on my wall. Playing hide and seek but he always wins while I'll fall. I don't want to play his games. I can never win .the more I play the more I lose. Avoid him Avoid him don't listen to his calls. Hide the evidence in black. Cover it up cover it up. Paint over it. curse it. . deny it .destroy it. burn it. rectangle shape photographs feeding the fuel."we will never stop" they sing. Ignore ignore. His calls get louder. I cant avoid his calls anymore.

....There's A rectangular shaped demon on my wall

The Necessary Unnecessaries

A.Brown or Black Fringe Suede Jacket

B.Studded Punk Jacket

C.Doc Martens Boots

D. Hello Kitty Sewing Machine 

F. Celt  Pixie Harp

G. Vintage lace brown boots

Childhood

I really enjoyed the first five years of my childhood. I wish I can relive the running through the sprinklers, climbing trees, taking naps, and watching babar. I loved not having to worry about anything but what flavor ice cream was I going to get. I just hope my niece and nephew have a childhood they can look back on and be happy. I miss the little buggers. They always drive me crazy, but now that i don't see them I miss them more than ever. I constantly talk about them saying Seairra this Little Louis that. I miss them, I miss them so much I even miss the things they do that I hate. I hope I'll see them soon. I wish I had a picture of them right now so i can show you how precious they are. I want to just take them to the beach and watch them runaway from the waves. That would be a fun day. I can't wait to have children of my own, I vow to give them a life they can be proud of.

The Fear Of The Unkown

People say when you believe in something you can't see you have faith. but what i see people question my faith. Since i was young i was sensitive to the energy people give off. Evey person has a source of energy. You know when someone is really negative will walk into a room a suck the living life out of each and everyone. Well all my life I would base their energy on how good of a person they are. Well later on in my life I stop feeling energy and started seeing things and hearing things. This when you'll most likely stop reading and say wow shes crazy. I ask myself each time an incident happens, am I crazy? For a long time to keep my sanity i would tell myself that I am crazy. The first eight years of my life I lived in my home in Pasadena, Ca nothing really happen there, it had that homey feeling when you walked in. I never believed in ghost/spirits/the living dead or anything like that. Until one day when i was walking down the streets where i used to live i heard a little dog barking like crazy next to the neighborhood crack house i stopped to see a figure of  a woman in front of the door. at first i thought it was dust in the wind swirling around making a figure of a woman but then i look again it was a figure of a lady. the dog was barking like crazy then he stooped and the lady disappeared. I was about six when this happen so i question my sighting. Two years later i moved to a bigger house in Hacienda Heights after my mom married my step dad. I was used to living in a smaller house in a lower income neighborhood. The environmental change was very shocking. It took a while to make friends, most of the time I would stay home and pretend I lived in a small village, i even made up my own language. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and months turned to years and the house never felt like a home. The house gave me the spooks. Our family started to change. My mother and step father started to have marriageable problems so my mom and my sister moved out leaving me and my step father in the house. When they left I was afraid. At night I would hear footsteps walking up the stairs to my bedroom. I would wake up with scratches around my neck and wrist bruises on my legs and thighs. A woman would walk in my room and hum a song in my left ear my body went cold i was afraid even though the lady was calm and nice i didn't want to believe that she was there. I began to be afraid to stay in my house. One day I was in my bathroom taking a bath when an evil spirit started scratching my back and playing with my hair i tried to ignore it. then he started poking my back again and again. I started to cry then the lights started flickering on and off. I kept repeating its all in your head.  believe that the spirit was trying make me leave the house he was mad that i have been ignoring him. the radio frequency started to change turn the radio stations and weird sounds came out of it. I couldn't take it anymore.  I ran out the bathroom and made plans to move. Recently I been experiencing more incidents with the unknown. But its been in other house like my friend J.E. We experienced books falling, hair puling,Sounds of footsteps, refrigerator knocking, and we even seen a woman walking in the kitchen. I don't know whats wrong with me. Why me why do I have to see these things, Why am I so special? I wanted to know some answers. I went to a Santeria Mass with my friend of this religion. The leader of the mass told me I had a strong energy and there are many Native American spirits around me, specially one man a medicine man who is trying to protect me. she also told me i have a  gift and a six sense and I need to know how to fully use it. It made me Feel at ease. But I still ask My self Am i Crazy?



Chapter 3: Waiting

This is the time when i lay in bed all day to dream up a story, a plan, or a future, Something to keep my sanity for the day. When the soundtrack of my life interfere with my dreams i wake up wishing I can sleep forever.

Waiting by the phone waiting  for a familiar voice to make my day. Sitting in the waiting room, three in a half months left tell I can hear someone call my number. Fingers twiddling, nails biting, and staring at a calendar filled with X's but days are still going by so slow. emptiness is the only thing I feel. All I can do is look at these pictures ,these videos, remember this day. When I look at these pictures I feel bitter. While I'm in someone Else's bed in someone Else's home, Someone else is making plans with my friends, loving my past love ones, playing in the home i grew up in. While life goes by I'll stand still waiting

Sweet Dreams

                                                                          09/15/10

                                        MARLA DON'T CRY                                            

Marla Don't Cry, When The World Is Falling On Your Roof Top

Marla Don't Cry, When You Realize It Was All A lie.

Marla Don't Cry When You Notice No one Was By Your Side.

Marla Don't Cry, When Your Love Dies.

This is a poem some lady told me in a dream so since its my subliminal mind I'm claiming it as my work. the sketch is not



Chapter 2: Foothill 187

9/12/10

Today was a crazy day. I had a I gotta get crap done attitude. I woke up early we'll for me that's at 10:30am and I got dressed in a black and white shrug strip shirt,  black tights, black mini Bob Dylan look-a-like boots, and a black hat. As i walked down to the Paseo in old town Pasadena I got a million stares and honks but i didn't let it ruin my day. I sat down at the bus stop waiting for the bus, until a man came up to me swearing he knew me, he was annoying his skin looked tough like leather his, eyes staring at my chest. he kept trying to woow me with his charm I got up and walked away while he was talking he called me a bitch and it made me smile.later on that day i was coming home from the

Santa Anita mall and i went on the 187 going home a man sitting across me started talking about art with me he was creeping looking but he was some what nice. he asked to sketch me so i sad yes. i didn't expect him to create this.

Chapter 1: Jesus A. Elizalde

 

Oh French!

Your so down right original.your one that can't be duplicated. You try your hardest to be a good person and others are all ways try to bring you down. Keep your spirits up we're almost there. A new beginning or an end which ever it is, its a change. I'm just glad i have you to go through it with. i went through a lot of fazes, styles, music taste, pants sizes and friends,but your the one thing that has been consistent. all the whispering bullshit the he said she said is so far from the truth. 

Your and amazing friend and i want to take the time to say Thank you. Thank you for all the drunking night, for the mid day hikes, for the breakdown, the breakups, the rumors, the fell outs, the confusion, the cold winds, the hungry, the anger, the tears, the bitching, the lost of words, the lost of contacts, for the lack of money, the lack of knowledge, the gain of knowledge,the love, the hate, the jokes, the attitude, the everything.

I'm the person that's never sure about things, but I'm absolutely sure that I'm lucky to have you. You give me something that no one ever gave me and it was their time. I love you so much and i truly mean it. where ever the wind takes you and I you'll always be in my heart soul and mind ( I know it sound clique).

If your reading this it well its true you know it hard for me to get my words on paper but i tried. no matter what i write i can never get down everything i want to say to you

Lykke Li

Its the simplest words that are so meaningful to me. Take a universal feeling and make it poetic by being true to your emotions. you don't need to write bullshit on a composition notebook truthful words written on a dirty crumbled napkin is worth more . well this is my first blog and I had to dedicate it to my biggest inspiration.....LYKKE LI. I'm new to this blog thing so if i write dumb thing that are irrelevant and  a waste of pixels on your computer a screen I'm sorry for wasting your time.This Women Is amazing I cant put my finger on it but she has something that i believes connects us together. I may not be a little European girl from Sweden but sometimes i feel like she write these songs for me. Yes i may not have allot of past lovers and I'm not a musician trying to make it abrade, but still i relate. 

"(Working in the corner
Peeking over shoulders
Waiting for my time to come)
And if you say I'm not OK
with miles to go
If you say there ain't no way that i could know
If you say i aim too high from down below
Well, say it now 'cause when I'm gone
You'll be callin' but i won't be at the phone"   

I'm working so hard to get what i want in life and so many " Friends" and "Family" the ones that say they'll always be there always leave and stab me in the back..well at least they do it with a smile :]. Thank you  for the ones who stay with me and the all the ones that turn on me you made my life so much easier.